we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
