if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize