I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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