I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
