Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
