was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
