you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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