i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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