ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
