RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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