I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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