I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
