what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
