I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
