AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
