I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
