Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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