Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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