I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
