What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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