and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
