just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
