just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
