my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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