Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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