i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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