Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
