so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
