if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize