I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
