I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
