Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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