My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
