On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
