i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
