The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize