S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How does one acquire holy water?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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