So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
