I think I died a long time ago.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
