I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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