she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
