Just cropdusted the office
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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