it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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