My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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