just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize