Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
