the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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