we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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