Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
