We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
