I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
