I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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