dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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