so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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