On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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