Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize