that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
