wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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