Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
