No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
