When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
