I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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