my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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