meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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