I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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