Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
