I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
