I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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